Redefining Kindness In COVID-19 Times
Kindness Looks Different From What We Once Knew
Times are different now. They will be different when this is “over”. We also do not know when this will be over and we must accept that. How does accepting all of this look like? Crying, grief, anxiety, depression, motivation, volunteer work, hustling, educating, failing but still trying, sometimes not showering, helping your neighbor and KINDNESS. BUT what is the new meaning of kindness?
First I want to point out that LOVE looks different than it did before we began social distancing. We used to see love as embracing, being close and visiting each other, seeing one another often. I love my parents and my family the most and now I stay the furthest away from them. When I drop essentials off to my Aunt’s apartment I ask her to keep her door closed. I leave her items outside her closed door despite how much I’d like to see her eyes behind her her mask. This is what love looks like to me, today.
I have seen some posts on social media implying that kindness is not judging people for their irresponsible actions. I strongly disagree! We are in a pandemic. It is a public health situation and even though we normally operate on an every person for themselves, mind your own business attitude, we have to change this behavior. Irresponsible actions are hurting people. Poor decision making is putting unnecessary strain on healthcare workers. Flattened curve or not - there are still people dying, ending up in the ICU and on ventilators.
Kindness is teaching a stranger how to use a mask properly so that they do not potentially infect every person they come in contact with the whole time they misuse their mask. Kindness is not judging your friend (potentially me) for constantly calling folks out for congregating and using masks incorrectly. Kindness is staying away from the people you care about and communicating about physical boundaries that may have felt impolite in our past reality.
The last time I saw my friends before NYS went on PAUSE I had to awkwardly say to people I normally love hugging, “we can’t hug” and it was understood. Today we have to verbally draw even harder boundaries because it is kind to do this. Know that when someone points out to you that you are wearing your mask incorrectly they want to help you out, they want to help those who you come in contact with out, they want to help your family out. When someone lectures you about not wearing a mask you should be kind to them and realize that person might have a friend or relative on a ventilator or a family member in full PPE working tirelessly in a hospital right now. When someone (potentially me) is ranting and raving about people not practicing social distancing in NYC parks you must be kind and realize they are worried for the state of the city, for people who are still struggling in the hospitals, for their friends and family members who did have COVID19. Reminder - some of us have bigger apartments, outdoor spaces, houses, yards, cars, weekend homes that make it is easier to practice social distancing and get fresh air. Remember that not all of us have that privilege. Be kind to us who have tiny apartments and live in condensed neighborhoods. Know that Americans culturally do as we see. We emulate the behaviors of our peers. So seeing others outdoors congregating and not wearing masks makes others want to do the same and think it is ok when it is not ok.
Many people talk about how this pandemic brings to light all the inequities in our society and system. Please know that if you are able to not take things as seriously as others, it probably means you are in a more privileged place. It happens to also be a great time to use your privilege to help those who don’t have as much of it as you do. I encourage you all to be role models among your communities and be kind in some of the ways I’ve suggested. We are currently living in a world without a leader and we have to protect our communities and the greater good. This is a time that none of us have ever experienced and I believe being kind while being cautious is the best way to handle it. We have nothing to lose by being extra careful and we have everything to lose by being too lax.
I had to get on the phone with my mom and my aunt and yell at them so they would not meet up back in March - and it did not feel kind but it was and it was 100% love. I write this all for you to recognize how be kind in different ways than we have previously known. I am redefining and learning new ways of kindness too.
5 Ways To Be Kind During COVID-19
The next time you have to go outside bring a clean, unused, extra mask you might have in a clean plastic bag and hand it to someone who doesn’t have one on.
Carry packaged snacks when you have to go out and hand them out to our homeless community because their services and resources are scarce during this time and many have no where to go.
Wear a mask even though you might find it uncomfortable and hard to breathe because your slight discomfort could potentially save lives and collectively help stop the spread of this infectious virus around our entire city.
Call your friends and family members in when you see them doing something against public health/safety guidelines and remind them why we are all doing this. Remind them that they need to be careful so we can all go back to doing things we love and miss. Calling people in is kindness.
Be kind to your friend who might have lectured you or called you in about something you did that was potentially unsafe and know that they want to protect you and the people you come in contact with. Refrain from judging them for a moment and realize they are rightfully worried.
Resources for Kindness
We are all struggling to acclimate a new reality. Here are some resources.
Online Therapy with Kathryn Grooms Psychotherapy
Volunteer with New York Cares
Donate or Volunteer with Goddard Riverside community
Donate or Volunteer with The Bowery Mission
Donate or Volunteer to the Food Bank
Donate, Share, Speak Out For Emergency Release Fund Those who are being unsafely exposed to COVID-19 in jail.
By Emily Grace Siy, L.Ac. May 4, 2020
Photo by Chanel Govreau